Untitled

South Park Poems

Ode to Southpark
submitted by: [email protected]
our lives revolve around few things
but of this i cannot lie
whenever South Park is a rerun
we all begin to cry

you see, dear friend, this much is true
we are all stuck on South Park like paper on glue
we count the hours from when it does end
to the time when we can watch it the next weekend

a large crowd amasses at Kurt's dance bar
where people come to watch from near and far
twenty or thirty devoted fans gather near
and when it begins we all shout and cheer

if i had comedy central on my TV
i know that i would finally get to see Stan "kick the baby"
and should a marathon come on
any plans i may have had would be gone

we are all obsessed with these vulgar kids
and before Kenny dies we often make bids
and when he didn't die at Xmas we were all quite happy
but when discussing it later found it to be sappy

Cartman is a loud-mouth bother
and we were freaked to find his mother was really his father
much to our dismay his friend's advice he didn't take
when he decided to start bulking up with BEEFCAKE!

twas the night before hannuka and all through Kyle's mind
were the presents from Santa that he'd never find
but Mr. Hankey, the fecal phreak saved the day
when he told them to save Kyle after he'd been put away

Stan is a bulimic who can never keep things down
when Wendy Testaburger is around
he seemes to be the most level headed of the bunch
except on his quest to be a lesbian, when on carpet he started to munch

Chef is such a schmoozer, and so full of love
that if he really does lay down all these women he had better wear a
glove
he sings and he cooks and he helps the kids when they are stuck
the only thing we haven't seen him do yet is pick up

Cartman Poem
submitted by: DIGITAL [email protected]
There was a little boy, I do recall,
Who found to be quite mean, but way too small.
With a yellow ball upon his blue cap,
Quite rude to the group; a mischievous chap.
His coat of cherry red, his pants of sand,
He was the plumpest youth throughout the land.
On his hands, mittens the color of gold,
He called himself Beefcake, so I was told.
He was of eight years, I do so believe,
Speaking foul words with tricks up his sleeve.
Cheesy poofs and pie were his foods of choice,
Which he stuffed in his mouth, muffling his voice.
And after his meals, his face wasn't clean,
Crumbs on his cheeks, the worst I ever seen.
As for his manners, they didn't exist,
For in time of need, he did not assist.
To why he came, nobody really knows,
To search for his father, I do suppose.
But he was quite funny, I must confess.
Told some amusing tales, if not the best,
And with his great tales, he did leave his mark,
As the kid Eric Cartman of South Park.

I'm So Mad
by [email protected] (Matt)

I'm so mad I found out my mom is really my dad
I'm so mad I wanna kill that bitch really bad
I'm so mad she never told me
I'm so mad that my mom has a pee-pee
I'm so mad stuff like this happens to me
I'm so mad someone please shoot me

Untitled
by MHSOUTHPRK

There's Kenny, Kyle, Eric, and Stan
And Chef in the kitchen cookin with a spam.
Mr. Garrison keep his hand up Mr hats butt
That Mrs. Cartman is a real slut.
Mr Hankey is the Christmas Poo.
And Pip, Yes Pip, This kid is new.
There's Scuzzlebutt with a celery arm and Patrick Duffy
Don't leave out elephant loving pig who's name is Fluffy.
Wendy is Stans girl
If she talks he will Hurl!
Aliens abducted Eric and Ike.
I can't forget Miss Ellen, the dyke!
Kenny died every episode but two.
And if you didn't notice the kids never grew.

Ode To Mr. Hankey
By: Jonathan Lima

Mr. Hankey is smelly and brown,
Mr. Hankey is oh-so-cool.
Mr. Hankey don't make me frown,
In fact, it makes me drool.

Mr. Hankey, he is my buddy.
He comforts me at night.
He's a poor man's silly putty,
But he can sure put up a fight.

A toilet-clogging dump,
Sure lifts my spirits high.
Just seeing each lil lump,
Brings a joyful tear to my eye.

I like to eat Mr. Hankey in a box,
And in a house, at that.
I would eat the Mr. Hankey of a fox,
But not a coyote's spicy scat.

I also like to date my crap,
And lavish it with gifts.
I stroke it while it's in my lap,
'Til off to sleep it drifts.

The moral of my lovely ode,
Is simply: Love your waste.
Before you flush your steaming load,
Be sure to get a taste!

South Park Questions
by [email protected] (smorgan)

Why does Kenny always die,
Why is Cartmans mom a guy?
Why is Cartman really fat,
What is up with Mr. Hat?
Why is Jesus living there,
Why did Jimbo shoot that bear?
Why is Mr. Garrison gay,
What does Kenny really say?
I hope you think this poems phat,
I really want that Stan-puke hat.

-Ode to Kenny-
by [email protected] (Doink the Clown)

Kenny McCormick,
is kinda poor,
He lives in a cardboard box,
with no door,
His dad would be rich,
if drinking were a job,
but he's still to poor,
to eat corn on the cob,
Kyle, Cartman, and Stan,
They give him no respect,
And even those turkey's,
That's how his eyeballs were pecked,
There is no person,
That really even cares,
and in my heart,
Kenny is a tough as a bear!

A Normal Day In The Life of Stan Marsh
by [email protected]

My name is Stan,
Wendy's my girl,
When i see her,
I always hurl.
My friend Kenny,
Always dies,
My fat friend Cartman,
Eats chocolate chicken
Pot pies.
My other friend Kyle,
He's a jew,
He always talks,
To Mr. Hanky the Poo.
My sister Shelly,
Beats me up each day,
While my dog Sparky ,
And Al sit there being gay.
My Cafeteria chef named Chef,
Sing soul,
While us 4 little kids
Live our lives in this hole

A South Park Christmas
by [email protected] (Alison A. McCoy)

It was Christmas Eve, and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The children were sleeping all snug in their beds,
While bags of cheesy poofs danced in their heads.
While downstairs, there was a loud sound,
And down from the chimney he came with a bound.
He was little, and brown, yet his face was merry.
His nose was as red as a full-ripened cherry.
He had a rather odd stench, and covered with nuts.
He was the type of thing you'd see from kids' butts.
He opened his bag, and threw it on the ground.
Then he said, opening the toy-filled mound,
"I'm Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo, and I'm here to give
Lots of toys, for good little kids.
Children whose diets contain a lot of fiber,
And children who believe in me by the hour."
He laid the toys out one by one,
Until finally, his job for that house was done.
He closed his bag up, tying the top,
And slung it over his back with a *kerplop!*.
And sticking his finger inside of his nose,
*WOOSH!* Up the chimney he goes.
If you think I'm crazy, it's you who could be.
Mr. Hankey is just as real as you or me!

I love Mr.Hanky!
by Derek Nason

Roses are red, violets are blue.
I love you Mr.Hanky,
Your my Christmas poo!
When I look in my toilet at night,
I see somthing not to bright.
It tis not skinny, it tis not fat.
Its a nice lump of turd,
wearing a small red hat.
I wish to speak to thee, oh Mr.Hanky.
Are you sleeping? I hope your not cranky.
If In had one wish, oh great Christmas poo.
It would be to dance the night away,
with nobody but you!

South Park
by [email protected] (Andrew Ferrell)

There once were four boys,
Who were so full of life.
They did not play with toys,
But instead with a big knife.
The normal one puked on his shoe,
And the fat one wanted some pie.
The jewish one talked to a poo,
And the hooded one was going to die.
As they played, they thought about their town,
There were so many wierd people here.
Like the grandpa who wanted to drown,
And the hunter who loved beer.
The mayor who was self-obsessed,
And Pip, that little Brittish pest.
The jewish one's mom who ruined everything,
The ladies' man chef who always loved to sing.
Crazy stuff would happen in these place,
Like a mother saying,"I'm plastered".
Or the hooded one taking a drill to the face,
While the jewish one yelled,"You bastard".
And when the knife fell into Kenny's lap,
They kept playing on that snowy hill.
These four scamps didn't take any crap,
Until Wendy came and Stan became ill.

Eric Cartman
by Jeff Mason

Eric Cartman, you're the man.
Your built just like a mini-van.
If once you passed up poofs and pie,
We'd watch you, not Kenny die.

Your voice is loud and rude to say.
If someone calls you fat, they will pay.
You're big boned Cartman, thats a fact.
That's your pot pie, not the cats.

Our Favorite Beefcake
by Cris Pannullo

Every Wednesday night he graces our televisions.
Right as Stan barfs in the patient's incision.
It seems as if he is a big fatass.
Cause when he plays football he can hardly make a pass.

Cartman's his name and Kenny always dies.
And kitty's always eating his potpies.
Roshambo is his favorite game.
That's why Stan never forgets his name.
Miss Cartman's not even his mom.
And the plastic surgeon's name is Tom.
Nobody will forget you Eric Cartman, Our Favorite Beefcake.

Cartman, Dear Cartman
by Mr Blonde7

Cartman,dear cartman, why do we love you so?
Cartman,dear cartman, why is your mom a ho?
Cartman,dear cartman, finding your dad is hard enough.
Cartman,dear cartman, Chef has an afro puff.

Cartman,dear cartman, you fill me up with glee.
Cartman,dear cartman, you weren't on TV with kathie lee.
Cartman,dear cartman, you always act so tough.
Cartman,dear cartman, man you look real buff.

We know that you
are sometimes blue
because your mom's a dad.
don't be a doof
just act aloof
and eat some oh so cheesey poofs.

Whenever you
are feeling down
and looking just like poo
just cheer right up
because you know
Kyle's moms a dirty jew.

So Cartman,dear cartman,I hope you will always be
Cartman,dear cartman,as happy as you make me
Cartman,dear cartman, if the children make you moan
Cartman,dear cartman, say "Screw you guys,I'm going home!

Kyle Broslofski
by [email protected] (Maria)

There once lived a kid who a Jew
He had a friend who was a Christmas Poo
During Christmas he couldn't eat snow
Why he was a Jew, he really didn't know.
His mom is a bitch who ruined the play
She gets a hair up her ass almost every day
His brother's name is Ike
Who's the cutest one of all
Unfortunately Kyle, uses him as a football.
One Hannukah he gets presents for 8 days
But he has to eat kosher stuff and follow jewish ways.
He got carried away with Mr.Hanky the Christmas poo
He scared the crap out his counselor
And got committed in a mental home too.
He screams "You Bastards!"
When his friend Kenny's dead.
But in episode 101
He ripped off Kenny's head.
In closing I think Kyle's the coolest kid
And hopefully he won't turn out like his mom
God forbid!

Ode to Eric Cartman
By Tim Munro

How jolly and how round our hero is!
How really quite enourmous is his gut!
His belly like a giant tub of jello,
And a great big pile of really jumbo butt!

Oh Eric Cartman has a temper great,
And never seems to quite find a repast,
From alien visitors shoving stuff up his butt,
And twenty foot flames coming out his ass!

Yes, Eric Cartman is a simple man,
One who is not distant and aloof,
One who's simple pleasures do include,
Munching on many a cheezy poof!

A Day in South Park
[email protected] (David d)

A quiet town in a quiet state,
"Hurry up! We're running late!"
You know it's normal day in South Park,
When you hear the gay dog bark.
Aliens talk to cows, what luck,
Kenny turns into a sort-of duck.
"You killed Kenny!" comes a cry,
With little notice of passersby.
An Ethiopian comes for awhile,
Gets some turkey, and leaves with a smile.
A piece of crap begins to sing,
And it can only mean one thing.
It's an average day in this small place,
Even when Raggedy Andy loses face.
Hermaphrodites may come and go,
But Sparky still wants that pink bow.
Grandpa wants to die, by the hand of Stan,
Satan is on his way, but Jesus has a plan.
Kyle gives Ike a kick,
While nearby, Stan gets sick.
Cartman is eating,
Kenny takes a beating,
Streisand is a power ranger,
And Kathy Lee's in mortal danger.
A hunting trip upon a mountain,
And at the Barn Dance, beer is spoutin'.
A gay teacher must go away,
A lesbian sub is here to stay.
Gene splicing is happening quite a lot,
While Terrance and Phillip rescue a tot.
The little girl, her name is Sally.
She was kidnapped by Saddam Smelly.
Now go and put your cheesy poofs away,
Because this signifies the end of an average day.

A Salute to South Park
[email protected] (Andrew J. Going)

To South Park we do salute,
of many characters ugly and cute.
Stan is first on this salute,
his girlfriend wendy makes him puke.
Cartman large and very fat,
in his ass is where it's mostly at.
Kyle is the little Jewish boy,
who uses his brother as a toy.
Kenny always shows only his eyes,
in every episode he dies.
The other charaters we will not share,
Because most people will not care.

TIME TO WATCH
[email protected] (Loren H. McHenry & Sherri Wahrer-McHenry)

On Wednesday nights, when I'm done with class,
I hurry home and yell, "Kick ass!"
It's time for South Park once again...
Time to watch our young, warped friends.

Time to watch Miss Ellen cringe
As Wendy teeters on the fringe
Of self-destruction over Stan,
Who's quite convinced that he's the man.

Time to watch poor Kenny die
By sword, by train, by shot...buh-bye!
At least till next week's episode--
Will he be run down in the road?

Time to watch young Kyle fight
To save Ike from their parents' plight
To circumcise the little boy,
Whose "wee-wee" they're out to destroy.

Time to watch Cartman disregard
The "visitors" in his backyard,
Who've bugged him with a satellite
(And favor kids of hermaphrodites).

It's time to laugh and feign disgust,
Though we know watching is a must;
We love South Park's perverted youth,
Whose mannerisms are so uncouth

Untitled
Julz GWC

South Park is the coolest show,
that is something you have to know.
Stan, Cartman, Kenny and Kyle,
their antics always make you smile.

Stan is the leader of them all,
he's really, really good at football.

Cartman is really, really fat,
but don't ever try to tell him that.

Kenny carries a heavy load,
he has to die in each episode.

Kyle is the Jew of the group,
he talks to a talking piece of poop.

Chef wants to put you in the mood,
so he sings songs that are very lewd.

Wendy is Stan's girl,
when she talks to him, he has to hurl.

Mr. Garrison, the teacher, is very malicious,
his dummy, Mr. Hat, is very very vicious.

The Mayor has a really big ego,
she pretends to be everyone's amigo.

Hermaphrodite Ms. Cartman is queen of the sluts.
she has a beaver, fireman and two nuts!

Pip is an annoying Brit,
everyone thinks he's a piece of sh**

Officer Barbrady is a real dunce,
he's screwed up a case more than once.

Terrence and Philip have many gases,
they can't stop laughing when sounds come from their asses.

You've read about South Park right from your chair,
now aren't you glad you don't live there?

A Screwed up South Park Sonnet
By Erin Quinn

Four young guys who come from South Park,
Which is a small town in Colorado.
Like to call Cartman's mom a ho,
And roam around way past dark.

One's named Kenny, one's named Kyle,
Between the two, one has more lives than a cat,
The other one's almost as mouthy as Mr Hat.
Both like to watch Terrance and Philip once in a while.

Another one of the boys names is Cartman,
And the last one's name is Stan,
Who's dog Sparky likes to get it on with a man
And Cartman often says "Hey Man!"

And we are all sad until Les sings once again "Goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time!
Goin' down to South Park, gonna meet some friends of mine!".

Kenny
Alyssa Halverson
-
A little boy, who, at first glance
Appears no different from you or I
But often he falls to death's advance
And each week, again he dies.
-
Hid beneath a parka hood
A boy of flesh, of blood and bone,
Alone in his deaths he's always stood
This little boy we all have known.
-
Is there more beneath that hood
Than a simple mortal child?
This little boy, who has stood
Alone in death, from life exiled?
-
A noble hero, in sleep lying
Buried deep within young Kenny
Self-sacrifice, to save those dying
Kenny died by electricity.
-
Yes, there's more beneath that hood.
Awakened when a crisis loomed
A bold young hero, who bravely stood
And killed himself - to save those doomed.

AN AFFAIR IN SOUTH PARK
[email protected]

A boy who constantly dies,
A boy who (very fast) sings,
And a boy who pukes all the time
Are a few common South Park things.

A girl named Wendy,
A boy named Stan.
Stan's a chicken,
But Kyle says, "Be a man!"

Stan likes Wendy,
(at least we all guess,)
Does she like him?
Is my guess or yours best?

Heads or tails, Eenie Meenie Miney Moe,
She loves me she not.
This young couple in South Park
Are not the only romance we've got.

So Stan Fights galliantly on,
Despite his mean, fatass friend,
And his friend who keeps on dying,
Stan fights it to the end.

I know a show call southpark,
I think that it is jive
and in every episode a boy named kenny always dies
stan is the cute one
wendy is his girl
every time she talks to him he always has to hurl
Kyle is the smart one
hes a dirty jew
he got commited to an asylum
cause he believes in christmas poo
Cartman is the fat one
he eats too much damn food
and on the cover of spin magaizne
he was completely nude.

by: nikki reynolds 12 yrs.

The Hanky
Robert Brandin

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, bored and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious webpage of incredulous bore-
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door-
"'Tis the pizza guy," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door-
"With my double onion pizza from the pizza store."

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December;
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - the show South Park was to follow,
The Christmas Special starring the poo I had never seen before-
As I speak the pizza guy is knocking harder then before.

And the silken, sad, uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
"'Tis the pizza guy tapping at my chamber door-
For the wait I will have to tip the pizza guy 2 bucks more;-
This it is and nothing more.

"Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
"Sir, did you bring the crazy bread I implore?";
But the fact is I heard nothing but I smelt the air that almost made me hit
the floor,
Then so faintly I heard a "Howdy Ho" emanating from my chamber door,
"That I scarce was sure I heard you" - here I opened wide the door;----
Poo stains there and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
And the only words there spoken were the whispered words, "Howdy Ho"
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the words, "Howdy Ho"
Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
"Surely," said I, "what is that scent wafting from my window lattice;
Let me see, then, what threat is, and this mystery explore-
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;-
"Tis the wind and nothing more!"

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a smiling poo of the saintly days of yore;
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, jumped above my chamber door-
Perched upon my plush toy, Kyle, just above my chamber door-
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this brownish-green poo beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," I said, "art sure no craven,
Ghastly grim and ancient poo wandering from the nightly shore-
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!"
Quoth the poo "Howdy Ho".

"Much I marveled this ungainly poo to hear discourse so plainly.
Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing poo above his chamber door-
Poo or beast upon the Kyle plush toy above his chamber door,
With such name as "Howdy Ho."

But the poo, sitting lonely on the placid toy, spoke only
That one phrase, as if his soul in that one phrase he did outpour.
Nothing farther then he uttered - not a poo stain then he fluttered-
Till I scarcely more than muttered "Other friends have flown before-
On the morrow he will leave me with more poo stains then before."
Then the poo said "Howdy Ho."

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
"Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store
Caught from some unhappy master who yearned to hear the words "You
bastards!"
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore-
Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore
Of 'Never - nevermore.

'"But the poo still beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of poo, and toy and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous poo of yore-
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous poo of yore
Meant in yelling "Howdy Ho."

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the poo whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp- light gloated o'er,
But whose velvet-violet lining with the lamp- light gloating o'er,
The poo shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
"Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he hath sent
thee
Respite - respite and nepenthe from thy memories of my pizza from the pizza
store;
Quaff, oh quaff this king nepenthe and forget this lost pizza!"
Quoth the poo, "Howdy Ho".

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil! - prophet still, if poo or devil!-
Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted-
On this home by Horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore-
Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I implore!"
Quoth the poo, "Howdy Ho".

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil! - prophet still if poo or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore-
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted pizza whom the angels name large double onion-
Clasp a rare and radiant pizza whom the angels name large double onion.
"Quoth the poo, "Howdy Ho".

"Be that word our sign of parting, poo or fiend!" I shrieked, upstarting-
"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no dark stain as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the toy above my door!
Take thy hat from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!
"Quoth the poo, "Howdy Ho".

And the poo, never flitting, still is steaming, still is steaming,
On the pallid plush toy of Kyle just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall I get my pizza?- nevermore!

Untitled
by Warren Khuu
South Park is the town of our heroes,
One is Stan the who knows the way,
Unwilling of his dog to be gay,
Two is Kyle the Jewish guy,
His brothers Canadian we don't know why,
Porky Cartman is number three,
A fat ass bastard we can all see,
Red sweatered Kenny the last of the friends,
Kid always dies before the show ends.

10 Little Kennys
by [email protected]
Ten little Kennys standing in a line
A UFO shot one of them and then there were nine
Nine little Kennys left themselves to fate
One of just up and died and then there were eight
Eight little Kennys floating up to Heaven
Damien picked off one and then there were seven
Seven little Kenny playing with their dicks
One of them choked on a condom and then there were six
Six little Kennys learning to jump, wail, and jive
One bounced right into the microwave and then there were five
Five little Kennys screwing a whore
The cops busted in, gunned one down and then there were four
Four little Kennys climbing up a tree
One stuck his head in a hornet's nest and then there were three
Three little Kennys going to the zoo
Elephants got loose and trampled one and then there were two
Two little Kennys going for a mountain run
One shoved the other right off a cliff and then there was one
One little Kenny left all alone
He knew what must be done and then there were none
Ode to Southpark
submitted by: [email protected]
our lives revolve around few things
but of this i cannot lie
whenever South Park is a rerun
we all begin to cry